How I Lost Twenty Pounds Eating a Freakish Diet

This article is for entertainment only and does not purport to offer genuine advice about healthy eating.

| Jun 16, 2007

Everybody knows that to lose weight, you're supposed to practice portion control, cut down on carbs and fat, and exercise to beat the band. Lifestyle change is the ticket, that's a general given. But what about those of us who can't turn away from a portion no matter how humongous it is?

I once ate an entire twenty-pound lug of cherries in two days. What about those of us who take one bite of ice cream and then inevitably eat the whole carton? Or those of us for whom exercise is limited to finding a hiding place to eat in? Sometimes people like us have to evolve our own diets, no matter how eccentric, before we can manage to lose any weight.

As for me, I clear the house of anything remotely edible (usually by eating it), and then I move onto my Balance Bar diet. I eat two Trail Mix bars for breakfast with a lot of coffee. Then I eat another one for lunch with a lot more coffee.

I have an apple for snack to keep the doctor away, and then for dinner, I eat three fried eggs and an entire package of Orville Redenbacher Smart Pop. Not just plain, though-here's the key to the whole diet. I put the popcorn into the bowl in three layers. I spray each layer with butter-flavor Pam and then lay on salt and a thick powdering of granulated Splenda.

Then I eat the whole salty sugary concoction myself, and I top it off with a slightly melted fruit popsicle. By the time I'm done, my shirt is so covered with Splenda that I look like Admiral Peary.

I generally practice this regimen on weekdays and then eat like a prize hog on the weekends. Obviously, it's a diet that would make any nutritionist or dietitian have a stroke. But it works like a charm for me because it caters to my compulsion to eat the whole thing, it gives me plenty of the sweet stuff I can't live without, and it allows for rampaging gluttony on the weekends. Altogether, it's perfect for me.

That's my story. You might have your own, and we want to hear about it. If you have a weird diet that's really worked for you, please give us the details by using the comments feature below. No dietitians allowed.

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Categories: Diets, Losing weight

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Posted by Anonymous on 11 March 2008


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